I had the fortunate pleasure of spending some time with a childhood friend yesterday. I got to meet her children as well. They were properly behaved, beautiful and well spoken. The most miraculous of all of these things that they were is the fact that they were children. You know what I mean, you could really tell that they were kids. As they laughed and joked while eating their lunch, I realized that this type of interaction is missing a lot in the social networking world. It was just finally nice to see a friend with a healthy, happy but very real family. The kind of kids who are not perfect and are not expected to be perfect.
We all encounter those friends on FB who weave the type of life they wish us to see. You know the friend whose children are always perfect, their homes always spotless and their hair always completely in place. The kind of gal who married the most wonderful man on the planet and whose children poop jelly beans, because they are picture, perfect in every way. The illusion of perfectness is just that an illusion. Push on the glass house surrounding that "perfect" family and it will shatter into a million pieces almost every time.
1) Mothers are not created to be superwomen. 2) Dr. Spock really got it wrong. 3) A perfect man and perfect children are as rare as a vegetarian snake. Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with believing that our kids are great. Equally, nothing is wrong with being a positive support for our spouse. What is wrong is perpetrating the fraud of perfection as a standard for others to try to emulate. It is setting yourself up for a huge fall eventually. High expectations are great but perfection is an impossibility.
I adore my handsome fiance. I have adored him for years now. He spoils me with his housekeeping skills. He is a fabulous cook. He is an attentive doting father figure to my 14 year old son. He is intelligent beyond belief. He believes in me, even when I don't believe in myself. He is constantly telling me that I am beautiful and how much he loves me. The list of his virtues go on and on. He sounds very much like every woman's dream man. He is my dream man and soul mate. The reality is also that we are very far from perfect. I can list positives to the cows come home giving off the illusion that we are that couple that everyone dreams of being without ever giving anyone a glimpse of the reality. But reality is what makes us that dream couple, for you see we *insert loud audible gasp* argue!!!!
We don't argue in a yelling and screaming fashion. We do however communicate our displeasure in a situation like rational, sane adults. We do not spend our time pointing out each other's flaws. We are each other's champions and cheerleaders. We don't pretend like the kids are never going to screw up. We do not have our boy trying to take on so many activities that he is bogged down by attempting to please us and not being a child. Neither of us understand this recent phenomenon of people insisting their children are child prodigious savants that composed their first symphony by age 2, never take a bad photograph and heaven forbid gotten their precious feet dirty by squishing mud between their toes. Which leads me to my next point, live in the now!
Stop, for the love of your children trying to turn them into what you always wanted to be.. your photographs are telling, your verbage is telling.. living vicariously through your children makes you a stage manager for a fraud! Let them be children! Spend more time living in the now rolling around making mud pies with them. Be spontaneous! Go on random road trips, instead of planning every minute of their day. Take time for you and your spouse! It is healthy for children to understand that they are not the center of your universe 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.. if you focus all your attention on your spawn and hardly nothing for your spouse you are undermining the blessing that God gave you. When they children leave home, what will you have if you have neglected your helpmate for a lifetime? (By the way that advise was given to me by a man of God, at first I was mortified but then I understood after I thought about it).
Around here we make mistakes, which often leads to a discussion and quick forgiveness. We aren't very good at fake self promotion. Our photographs are not perfect, our hair gets messed up, we get dirty, we don't have a perfect house, we don't have perfect kids, but we are perfectly happy in the knowledge that we are really real. We are thankful that our children don't poop jelly beans!
