Sometimes Walmart Bags Rip

I have been stressed, and not just a little bit a huge amount. I feel like a giant bundle of energy, that is about to discharge in all the wrong directions... Think lightning bolt gone haywire. This is a diet blog, and having said that stress and dieting are a deadly combination. I enjoy food a great deal, but for this evening it is relationships with other people that I shall be discussing, not my lack of eating ability.
I try to always kind of warn people about me a little bit. I am blunt, and sometimes bitingly sarcastic. If I get overwhelmed with emotion, I just fall to pieces sometimes. Smash the piggy bank and you end up with a million pieces that take hours to reglue. When things are going badly, I tend to push the people I care about most away. So when someone deems me a total package I get a little spooked. I liken myself to a walmart bag, and well sometimes when overloaded they rip.
Someone get this damn monkey off my back, because he keeps throwing feces at the people I care about. I am actually a really loving person. When I care, it tends to be too much to the point that I become a master mason, and begin building walls so high that no one can climb into my heart. Once they do get in though, you know the special ones with that key I have a hard time letting them back out. Damn I brick back up the hole so fast they are covered in morter before they know what hit them. I'm pretty sure in my wall, there are a few skeletons of bricked up men.
I can be cold, and vicious when I'm hurt. Hydrochloric acid is less caustic than I can be when offended. I don't mean to flip on the razor blade personality, and I tend to try to protect myself at all costs and brick up any hole in the wall as quickly as possible. But ladies there is a current hole in my defense. It sucks, I am not very thrilled with caring about someone of the male species. I enjoy my mantra, "Never like something so much that you can't live without it" But then again look where that particular meditation has gotten me?
My friend Rob kind of summed it up for me once in that he told me that I have a hard time being with someone outside of my comfort zone, and I'll attempt to self sabotage it. My comfort zone is usually mentally abusive assholes who could really give a rip about me. Boy I hate it went a man is right...self punishment is a forte. A man that is correct most of the time is about as common as a 2 headed peacock. I have been in sabotage mode today, and it sucks. I believe in myself, love myself, and have a really hard time allowing good people to love me back. I thought I had gotten past it but maybe not... I tell myself that I'm good enough, but a big portion of me feels like the girl who gets picked last, or the wallflower who never gets to dance at the high school dance.. and I really like to dance.
So here I sit, kind of feeling sorry for myself that I am an emotional basket case sometimes, and really hoping that I obtain forgiveness and didn't screw up something that is important to me too badly...